Exciting News - They're Coming Home to Rescue Ducky & Ronya

Industrial Dispute

We apologize for the delay in publishing this issue but the entire team has been otherwise occupied as the melodious tones of ‘The Red Flag’, ‘The Ballad OF Eureka’, ‘Solidarity for Ever’, ‘The Ballad Of 1891’ and ‘We Shall Not be Moved’ rang out from the editorial offices.  You can find the words of the more obscure songs at Union Songs in Australia: history in song and song in history

The Picket Line 

We joined together in solidarity  with Ronya to demand the reinstatement of her working conditions. 

Picketing Grandpa's Seat at the dinner table

The dispute arose because Grandpa, without either consultation or negotiation, unilaterally decided, when the Greenies that came in her ratio pack were all gone, he would replace them with ones more appropriate to a dog of her size.

The original is above , the reduced ration below.

At first Ronya didn’t notice the substitution but I, Comrade Ducky, as her shop steward, immediately noticed the reduction and brought it to her attention.

It's been hard for Ronya, she tries to ignore her dry dog food despite the layer of pork liver dust and the inclusion of liver flakes.

Ronya standing over her food looking pitiful!

But solidarity is hard to maintain in the face of starvation.

Accidentally eating dry dog food attached to pork liver dust.

In our negotiations with management we acknowledged that Ronya was approaching her dry dog food with more enthusiasm and conceded Grandpa had added into her diet pork liver slivers that she finds irresistible BUT none of that excuses the failure to consult.  The impasse went on for some time, with us demanding a restoration of the larger Greenies and the retention of the liver treats but Management remained intransigent.   

We have only decided to return to work because we owe it to our readers and this is to be our last issue for this holiday  with Anna & Elias returning next week we need to focus on our highest duty, entertaining them. 

Sports News

We note that after Uncle George played rugby for Jerusalem he had a very tight flight connection but El Al and China Air got him hone on schedule.  It is a shame Air India aren't quite so effective.

This publication feels it is very unfair and unsportsmanlike  for the Indians to bounce Uncle David & Lianne off  their flight home, to strand them for twenty fours hours in Delhi and then make them come home via Melbourne just because we are smashing them 4 nil in the cricket.  

It's a shame it is raining in Sydney and it looks like we will not be able to whip them five nil because the match will be rained off.

News from the Bush

Our Bush Correspondent

I was glad I came into the city for the holiday season, in the outback it's all been bush fire and floods.  Here it's just been alternating hot and rain.  

It was also great to put into practice the tactics my grandfather taught me from the shearers strikes.  If Ronya hadn't given in I am sure we could have won.  Not that it matters everyone here is really excited about Anna & Elias coming home and spending time with my cousins.

I think I'll come down again next Christmas.

Back to Normal

Publisher’s Comments

It is with unalloyed joy that we welcome Ducky back. We are looking forward to  less controversial times.  Our final comment on the controversy is to  utterly refute the scurrilous allegation by the national broadcaster  that Ducky’s suspension was  a publicity stunt staged to boost circulation;   the boost in readership was purely coincidental.

Ducky will be lay out plans for  new coverage and introducing  an additional staff member.

Editorial

It's great to be back, albeit as a chastened and wiser duck!  I have learned three invaluable lessons, words can hurt and empathy is a vital skill, the dictionary is not the final arbiter of what is appropriate and company resources are only for professional use.

The change in weather has been a welcome relief.  We have decided to progressively add some new columns to the publication that we hope you will find interesting, if uncontroversial.

Duck about Town

We have renewed our habitual walks with Ronya, here I am with her and Aunt Lorna sitting on a bench in Heffrom Park.  I am not sure the photographer got my best profile but I have to work with the staff we have and will coach him to do better in future.

On the same outing Ronya worked patiently with Grandpa until he mastered the difficult trick of delivering her treat exactly the way she wants it; he still has a long way to go before he meets her frequency target.

I stowed away in Grandpa's saddle bag and went cycling with him and Harvey in Centennial Park.I didn't like going backwards and next time will ask him to rig something forward facing, like a basket.

On the way home we passed a fabulous sounding restaurant, Duck, Duck, Goose that I assumes served the favorite foods of our web footed clan.  I was very disappointed to learn it is just a cafe for humans with a brilliant name.

I was unimpressed to see another person has also moved into Grandpa's study.  I don't how all three of us will able to work in here and will take it up with Grandpa who has apparently disappeared.

Sport Report

I am thrilled to announce that our team has been joined by a dedicated new sports reporter.

A retired cricketer who has all the inside scoop on this seasons test series and is looking forward to the one day series.

By far the most important sports news is that (Uncle) George made a guest appearance playing for the Jerusalem Lions against the Haifa Wild Boars or is that wild bores, or perhaps Boers?

Travel Report

(Uncle) George sent a photo from his classroom window in Jerusalem.

We understand a certain honeymooning couple has visited Udaipur, lucky ducks, look at all that water, wasted on a pair of humans!

However whilst some were sunning themselves others were 'enjoying' minus thirty degrees Celsius in Finland.

We will publish more travel updates as they come to hand.

In our next post look out for our new bush reporter.

A very Quacky new year to all our readers.

Board Decision on Ducky's future

The board has decided to reinstate Ducky subject to the following conditions:

• Ducky has received an official warning regarding the appropriate use of company provided cell phones
• Ducky will receive counselling on the need to consider the effect of language on others
• The management board will update the publication's procedures to better manage the evolution of language that sees words once acceptable become unacceptable 
• The management board will remind all staff of  the policy on private use of corporate communications equipment, and,
• Management will implement a mandatory training program on  gendered language

The next edition edited by Ducky will appear on Monday morning, Sydney time. 

Controversy rages over editor's suspension

As the inquiry into the editor's conduct continues a wide range of comments have been received. Two cabinet ministers from the National Party have been in touch to say that this is political correctness gone mad and, somewhat surprisingly their sentiments have been echoed by two of Australia's best known feminist writers.  At the other end of the spectrum a group of ladies, led by a member of the ALP and vice president of an unaffiliated union, dressed in dog costumes are protesting outside our Brisbane office condemning Ducky's 'misogynist behaviour'.  

At the same time the original plaintiff has formally requested that their complaint be discontinued on the basis that Ducky has formally and unreservedly apologised, is a decent individual with no track record of bad behaviour, the comment was made in a private text and that any offence was trivial compared to the public controversy this story has stirred up.

The board will meet later today to make a ruling on Ducky's future.

Editor suspended pending investigation of complaint

A Note from the Publisher:

You might have heard about the somewhat unseasonal weather the Sydney region has been enduring, with widespread flooding affecting Sydney and the Hunter region.

Ronya has decided she is not a wet weather dog and has far from appreciated being made to go for walks in the rain.  It appears that the puddles lose their appeal if they are a work in progress!  This is not so surprising, short legs and deep water are far from the ideal combination.  Less to be expected is that Ducky may be the only example of Anas Platyrhynchos who finds wet weather distasteful.

It will not surprise any of our readers, especially the parents and teachers among you, that being cooped up inside the house has resulted in a somewhat tense environment with Ducky and Ronya both being quite tetchy and resorting to some cutting remarks.  We were content to let them sort matters out between themselves in the sure knowledge that once the sun shone again all would be well.

The board of this publication was therefore dismayed to receive a formal complaint about the editor from a reader whose privacy would be breached if we were to reveal her identity.  Ducky has denied the allegation and has been asked to stand down pending an investigation into the complaint that involves an inappropriate text message sent using a smart phone provided by the publisher for exclusively journalistic purposes.

The allegation hinges on whether it is alright to refer to a female of the genus canis lupus familiaris using the ancient Saxon word or if in the twenty first century a new noun needs to be employed in order to avoid offending female dog's feelings.

The issue is rendered more complicated because this publication's editorial guidelines did not envisage this situation when it forbade the use of offensive language.  We are mindful of  The Andrew Bolt Racial Vilification Case and are conducting an informal survey among our readers.

Please comment below and provide your thoughts as to whether Ducky should be reinstated.