Exciting News - They're Coming Home to Rescue Ducky & Ronya

Industrial Dispute

We apologize for the delay in publishing this issue but the entire team has been otherwise occupied as the melodious tones of ‘The Red Flag’, ‘The Ballad OF Eureka’, ‘Solidarity for Ever’, ‘The Ballad Of 1891’ and ‘We Shall Not be Moved’ rang out from the editorial offices.  You can find the words of the more obscure songs at Union Songs in Australia: history in song and song in history

The Picket Line 

We joined together in solidarity  with Ronya to demand the reinstatement of her working conditions. 

Picketing Grandpa's Seat at the dinner table

The dispute arose because Grandpa, without either consultation or negotiation, unilaterally decided, when the Greenies that came in her ratio pack were all gone, he would replace them with ones more appropriate to a dog of her size.

The original is above , the reduced ration below.

At first Ronya didn’t notice the substitution but I, Comrade Ducky, as her shop steward, immediately noticed the reduction and brought it to her attention.

It's been hard for Ronya, she tries to ignore her dry dog food despite the layer of pork liver dust and the inclusion of liver flakes.

Ronya standing over her food looking pitiful!

But solidarity is hard to maintain in the face of starvation.

Accidentally eating dry dog food attached to pork liver dust.

In our negotiations with management we acknowledged that Ronya was approaching her dry dog food with more enthusiasm and conceded Grandpa had added into her diet pork liver slivers that she finds irresistible BUT none of that excuses the failure to consult.  The impasse went on for some time, with us demanding a restoration of the larger Greenies and the retention of the liver treats but Management remained intransigent.   

We have only decided to return to work because we owe it to our readers and this is to be our last issue for this holiday  with Anna & Elias returning next week we need to focus on our highest duty, entertaining them. 

Sports News

We note that after Uncle George played rugby for Jerusalem he had a very tight flight connection but El Al and China Air got him hone on schedule.  It is a shame Air India aren't quite so effective.

This publication feels it is very unfair and unsportsmanlike  for the Indians to bounce Uncle David & Lianne off  their flight home, to strand them for twenty fours hours in Delhi and then make them come home via Melbourne just because we are smashing them 4 nil in the cricket.  

It's a shame it is raining in Sydney and it looks like we will not be able to whip them five nil because the match will be rained off.

News from the Bush

Our Bush Correspondent

I was glad I came into the city for the holiday season, in the outback it's all been bush fire and floods.  Here it's just been alternating hot and rain.  

It was also great to put into practice the tactics my grandfather taught me from the shearers strikes.  If Ronya hadn't given in I am sure we could have won.  Not that it matters everyone here is really excited about Anna & Elias coming home and spending time with my cousins.

I think I'll come down again next Christmas.

Back to Normal

Publisher’s Comments

It is with unalloyed joy that we welcome Ducky back. We are looking forward to  less controversial times.  Our final comment on the controversy is to  utterly refute the scurrilous allegation by the national broadcaster  that Ducky’s suspension was  a publicity stunt staged to boost circulation;   the boost in readership was purely coincidental.

Ducky will be lay out plans for  new coverage and introducing  an additional staff member.

Editorial

It's great to be back, albeit as a chastened and wiser duck!  I have learned three invaluable lessons, words can hurt and empathy is a vital skill, the dictionary is not the final arbiter of what is appropriate and company resources are only for professional use.

The change in weather has been a welcome relief.  We have decided to progressively add some new columns to the publication that we hope you will find interesting, if uncontroversial.

Duck about Town

We have renewed our habitual walks with Ronya, here I am with her and Aunt Lorna sitting on a bench in Heffrom Park.  I am not sure the photographer got my best profile but I have to work with the staff we have and will coach him to do better in future.

On the same outing Ronya worked patiently with Grandpa until he mastered the difficult trick of delivering her treat exactly the way she wants it; he still has a long way to go before he meets her frequency target.

I stowed away in Grandpa's saddle bag and went cycling with him and Harvey in Centennial Park.I didn't like going backwards and next time will ask him to rig something forward facing, like a basket.

On the way home we passed a fabulous sounding restaurant, Duck, Duck, Goose that I assumes served the favorite foods of our web footed clan.  I was very disappointed to learn it is just a cafe for humans with a brilliant name.

I was unimpressed to see another person has also moved into Grandpa's study.  I don't how all three of us will able to work in here and will take it up with Grandpa who has apparently disappeared.

Sport Report

I am thrilled to announce that our team has been joined by a dedicated new sports reporter.

A retired cricketer who has all the inside scoop on this seasons test series and is looking forward to the one day series.

By far the most important sports news is that (Uncle) George made a guest appearance playing for the Jerusalem Lions against the Haifa Wild Boars or is that wild bores, or perhaps Boers?

Travel Report

(Uncle) George sent a photo from his classroom window in Jerusalem.

We understand a certain honeymooning couple has visited Udaipur, lucky ducks, look at all that water, wasted on a pair of humans!

However whilst some were sunning themselves others were 'enjoying' minus thirty degrees Celsius in Finland.

We will publish more travel updates as they come to hand.

In our next post look out for our new bush reporter.

A very Quacky new year to all our readers.

Board Decision on Ducky's future

The board has decided to reinstate Ducky subject to the following conditions:

• Ducky has received an official warning regarding the appropriate use of company provided cell phones
• Ducky will receive counselling on the need to consider the effect of language on others
• The management board will update the publication's procedures to better manage the evolution of language that sees words once acceptable become unacceptable 
• The management board will remind all staff of  the policy on private use of corporate communications equipment, and,
• Management will implement a mandatory training program on  gendered language

The next edition edited by Ducky will appear on Monday morning, Sydney time. 

Controversy rages over editor's suspension

As the inquiry into the editor's conduct continues a wide range of comments have been received. Two cabinet ministers from the National Party have been in touch to say that this is political correctness gone mad and, somewhat surprisingly their sentiments have been echoed by two of Australia's best known feminist writers.  At the other end of the spectrum a group of ladies, led by a member of the ALP and vice president of an unaffiliated union, dressed in dog costumes are protesting outside our Brisbane office condemning Ducky's 'misogynist behaviour'.  

At the same time the original plaintiff has formally requested that their complaint be discontinued on the basis that Ducky has formally and unreservedly apologised, is a decent individual with no track record of bad behaviour, the comment was made in a private text and that any offence was trivial compared to the public controversy this story has stirred up.

The board will meet later today to make a ruling on Ducky's future.

Editor suspended pending investigation of complaint

A Note from the Publisher:

You might have heard about the somewhat unseasonal weather the Sydney region has been enduring, with widespread flooding affecting Sydney and the Hunter region.

Ronya has decided she is not a wet weather dog and has far from appreciated being made to go for walks in the rain.  It appears that the puddles lose their appeal if they are a work in progress!  This is not so surprising, short legs and deep water are far from the ideal combination.  Less to be expected is that Ducky may be the only example of Anas Platyrhynchos who finds wet weather distasteful.

It will not surprise any of our readers, especially the parents and teachers among you, that being cooped up inside the house has resulted in a somewhat tense environment with Ducky and Ronya both being quite tetchy and resorting to some cutting remarks.  We were content to let them sort matters out between themselves in the sure knowledge that once the sun shone again all would be well.

The board of this publication was therefore dismayed to receive a formal complaint about the editor from a reader whose privacy would be breached if we were to reveal her identity.  Ducky has denied the allegation and has been asked to stand down pending an investigation into the complaint that involves an inappropriate text message sent using a smart phone provided by the publisher for exclusively journalistic purposes.

The allegation hinges on whether it is alright to refer to a female of the genus canis lupus familiaris using the ancient Saxon word or if in the twenty first century a new noun needs to be employed in order to avoid offending female dog's feelings.

The issue is rendered more complicated because this publication's editorial guidelines did not envisage this situation when it forbade the use of offensive language.  We are mindful of  The Andrew Bolt Racial Vilification Case and are conducting an informal survey among our readers.

Please comment below and provide your thoughts as to whether Ducky should be reinstated.

Editorial - Appropriate Balance

Your interlocutor is a proud defender of the right of reply and has decided that the letter this publication received from Ronya should be published in full, subject only to the caveat that the views expressed below are not those of the editor, publisher or owner of this blog.

The spelling and grammar have been upgraded to meet our publisher's requirements.

Our readers are reminded of the most important Latin quotation of all, "cave canem".

ED.

Dear Ducky,

I was offended by the assertion in an earlier blog that readers who were interested in me are "poor misguided fools'.  It was an insult to your audience and hurtful to me.





 It is easy for you to pretentiously prattle on about about a great Dane born in 1813 in Copenhagen as opposed to a Great Dane  like the one in the picture but I have more practical tasks.







My life is filled by a series of challenging dichotomies. My first dilemma is that I am constantly hungry, but not hungry enough to want the dry dog food Grandpa puts in my dish.  It is very time consuming licking off the fine dust of dried pork liver sprinkled over the top without accidentally swallowing the dreaded pellets that inhibit my hunger.  I have to strike a fine balance,  not eating whilst very hungry so that in the end the Grandpa feels sorry for me and adds some slightly larger tidbits at which stage I can't help myself and wolf the lot down. Grandpa seems to know dog psychology pretty well so each day I have to think up a new ruse.

Another problem is that I just can't bring myself to willingly drink either the filtered water  or tap water from my water bowl, no, what I really want is water from puddles, not the rain water from the tank mind you, or from the fish pond, no it has to be rain water lapped of the wooden deck. In summer that's a problem, there hasn't been any rain so I have been quite thirsty, not thirsty enough to drink from my water dish, but thirsty enough to drink from the saucers under Grandpa's bonsai collection at every opportunity.

My biggest problem is that Grandpa takes his morning walks very seriously.  I nag him to go as soon as he wakes up but my legs are short and his are not so short so very soon after we reach the park I want to go home but Grandpa insists on me walking what he calls 'enough'.  I think it is a crafty scheme to tire me out so all I do is lie in my bed when I get home.  But I am finding that each day I can walk further and if we go at the right time I find the sprinklers in the park have made puddles I can lap up.  Suddenly I have energy to chase birds around the park, stand in the garden and chase the birds away, station myself in the front garden, as long as a human is with me on my side of the gate, bark at all comers and generally show all the signs of a healthy and happy Cavoodle.

But now the two of them have come up with a new tactic, we are walking twice a day!

My final dilemma is working out the right ratio in which to share positive reinforcement between Grandpa and Auntie Lorna.  Grandpa seems to be doing pretty much want I want, except his slowness in further enhancing the contents of my food dish and  I suspect I'll have a tough time wheedling him, Whereas Aunt Lorna seems to be more interested in her needle point  and computer than me so I am focusing my efforts at giving her permission to sit me on her lap and experience all the largess I have to bestow on her.  So far progress is slow but I am nothing if not persistent.   

I have had a major win.  They were invited to a party  to mark New Year's Eve in an apartment overlooking the Harbour with a spectacular view of Sydney's celebrated fireworks but they have decided to stay at home and comfort me just in case I suffer from Merryitus. (For those who do not know, Merry was one of their dogs that I knew  very briefly who told me she was a gun dog who failed the shot gun test,  was scarred for life by the experience and took fits every time there was a loud bang, like thunder or fireworks.)

So Ducky, you can denigrate me for failing to improve my mind but I have a far higher duty, improving the  service offerings of my two interim human attendants. By the way Ducky, do you have the user id and password for Grandpa's TripAdvisor account?  I am thinking of reviewing Hotel Narangaree.

Settling In

The weather here has turned a little inclement so I have left Goosey in the garden and moved into the library where I have been engaged in a lively literary debate with Dogbert over Gogol's Tarus Bulba; literally over Gogol's Tarus Bulba!

It's amazes me how much more intellectually stimulating some dogs can be.  Dogbert made some excellent points about how the ongoing struggle over Gogol's ethnicity between Poles, Ukrainians and  ethnic Russians is a metaphor for what is going on around the Crimea right now.  I hadn't realized that Gogol wrote different versions of the book for different audiences. The  original 1835 edition was pro-Ukrainian but the expanded 1842 edition is pro-Russian Imperial.  I wonder which version Putin prefers?

Dogbert has promised to help me screen Grandpa's secret video stash of the History of Science later when Grandpa is out cycling in the park.  Hopefully when Elias & Anna get home I can dazzle them with my knowledge about Galileo, Newton & Einstein.

For those of you who are interested in Ronya, you poor misguided fools, there is not much to report. She remains focused on walks, drinking from puddles;

 and better training the humans around her, though why she cant't just engage in pursuits that elevate her mind is a huge disappointment to me.

No doubt Ronya will cleverly exploit the fireworks on New Years Eve to have the humans rushing to comfort her if she manages to look a little nervous!